We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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