I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
