Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
