so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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