did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
