Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
