As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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