From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
