Sponge bath it is.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
