I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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