i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
