so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
