So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
