During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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