yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
