A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My balls are so social today.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
