I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
