k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
