i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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