i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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