He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
