i jhust puked up my retainher.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We left an ass print on the piano.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
