I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
