i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
