She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
