His pubic hair was longer than his dick
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You are the jesus of drinking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
