Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am midnight drunk by noon
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
