Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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