wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
