Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
