so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
