Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
