It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
