is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
