Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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