so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's like iHOP with fire
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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