What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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