i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
