thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
