Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
