I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
