SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
