So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
