puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
