We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
