well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
