After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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