i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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