great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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