I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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