I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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