im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
