the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
