She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
