From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
