Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
