1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
