before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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