Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
