I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
