Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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