he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize